Psychics on After the Election

2004-10-27

It's been a while since I've done an interview with the LibertyBob Psychic Department. Apparently, they've been avoiding me since my contract for finding bin Laden expired. That means they still owe me for what I did pay them and I take that to mean that I own them.

To collect on that debt and to abuse one of the Mindiacs, as they call themselves, I've decided to look into the time following the election.

LB:So tell me, what's going to happen after the election? Who's going to win?

M: We're not going to tell you that. We have wagers based on that. Every time we tell you something, you put it on that crappy web site of yours. All your readers read it. The CIA reads it. We just can't trust you to keep a secret.

LB: You worry about the CIA reading it? I thought the CIA had its own psychics.

M: Like those guys tell their bosses anything.

LB: Right, uh, ok. The current political climate has the country divided. There's a lot of anger and violence. Will that settle when after the election?

M: It'll settle a little. Unfortunately, the precedent has been set. Everybody who got away with some petty but inappropriate behavior this time will be even more bold next time. That which was unacceptable will be tolerated next time through. Things may be ok for a while, but the following decades have the potential for chaos unless people can decide to grow the f*ck up.

LB: You guys and your crude language. You know that if you cleaned up your language you could probably have one of those cushy federal gigs.

M: ****** you.

LB: Anyway, on the topic of violence. If things start to fall apart, what preparations should I be making?

M: You don't have to do anything. You live in the Midwest.

LB: What does the Midwest have to do with it?

M: Most of the violence and decay will hit the largest cities. The east coast will be irrecoverable. The capital will be moved to Springfield, Missouri. The reason for the big push in sport utility vehicles was so no one would notice the military vehicles making the early preparations.

LB: Really? That sounds like conspiracy theory crap.

M: You asked; I answered.

LB: Anything else you think my readers would want to know?

M: Hmm? I would say, learn chemistry. It might come in handy. Stop buying video games and other productivity wasters. Most importantly, buy lots of beef.

LB: Buy lots of beef?

M: I own some stocks and demand has been down.

That ended this particular interview. I hope you've all learned something.