Classification of Politicians

2005-04-11

I?ve seen several news stories where politicians were riled up about one thing or another. All the political rants seem to blur together after a while. To help organize them in categories, I?ve prepared this interview template. Please feel free to use it to quickly label any politician with his or her proper name.

LB : Senator Overkill, what are you proposing in the wake of this tragedy?

SO : I think we have to pass more laws to prevent this sort of thing from happening again. It?s obvious that the previous law making this activity completely illegal is insufficient. Only by making it illegal will we be able to stop it.

LB : I see. Turning now to Representative Bandwagon. Tell me, Representative, why are you throwing your support behind this bill?

SO : My re-election staff tells me that it?s not enough for me to show sympathy and concern for the victims of this tragedy and their families. The only way to get the media to pay any attention to me is for me to be so much more outraged than everyone else that I end up putting on a real show. It not only demonstrates that I?m on board with everyone on this but it also makes sure that everybody sees me being on board. Isn?t that what?s important here?

LB : Uh, sure. Congressperson Kneejerk, it?s been suggested that you haven?t even read the proposal and yet you?re still pushing for immediate passage. Can you explain this?

CK : We have to do something and we have to do it right away. If we don?t do something immediately, the bad guys may do it again. The only way we?ll stop the criminals from breaking laws is passing new laws.

LB : Thank you all for your help.

I hope this helps you understand the blowhards you see on the news daily. Feel free to mention your own categorizing strategies in the comments section.