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Not your candidate

Election Day Predictions 2004


Category: politics

Here are my predictions for this Election Day.

  1. I will go vote. The workers there are always polite and professional. They take things very seriously. If anyone should try to harass me, I will grab his or her hand twist it behind MY back and pretend they were assaulting me. Then I'll scream for the police at the top of my lungs.
  2. I will not watch any television tonight. Since there is no real election news till all the results are in, the rest of the coverage is a bunch of jackasses sitting around making predictions about the Election Day. (Hey, wait a minute?)
  3. I won't tell people to vote. It's up to them to vote. I will tell people they should gather as much information as possible from non-partisan sources and become an informed voter. I may tell them that if they don't learn anything outside of commercials before voting then they are just throwing a monkey wrench into the whole system and we might as well choose a president by throwing a dart.
  4. If the LibertyBob Psychic Department, or Mindiacs as they like to be called, win a lot of money from gambling on the election, I going to bill them for all the Skittles and chocolate milk they drank while working on the Where's Osama Project.
  5. If I see Osama bin Laden going in to vote at my polling place, I'm going to knock him down and call him a sissy.
  6. I'm going to take a deep breath and start dreading the next election.

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