Interview with the Ghost of bin Ladens Chance

2004-03-01

It's been suggested that Osama bin Laden only stands a ghost of a chance now that the heat is really on. That got me thinking, what does this ghost really think? So I woke my psychic and made time for an interview.

LB: So, you're the ghost of the chance that bin Laden can escape US retribution?

GC: [high pitched buzzing]

LB: I think you're going to have to try harder. I can't here you.

GC: [distant yelling] Sorry. Being bin Laden's chance, I'm really small.

LB: Many Americans are anxious to have bin Laden's head on a pole. Do you think that will actually happen?

GC: I hope so. I get picked on by the other ghosts of chances because it's a lost cause. If the Americans don't get him, the dysentery will. His friends aren't real happy either. They been in caves for a long time now and they only have one goat to share among them. That poor goat.

LB: Is the pressure from Pakistani forces having an affect on the movements and morale of bin Laden and his men?

GC: For a long time now, things were good. Osama could hide in relative comfort. Now he has run out of toilet paper and has to have his men wipe for him. With the anger from his men over that type of thing, I get smaller every day.

LB: Have you thought about just leaving bin Laden and being done with it?

GC: I wish I could. I can't go anywhere while he's still breathing.

LB: Did you know the CIA has a psychic division who would be happy to talk to you so you could tell them where bin Laden is hiding? You could just swing by, narc on bin Laden and be free in a day or two.

GC: I tried that. They're tied up by Kim Jong Il's ghosts of chances all begging to finally do him in.

LB: Well, ok, thank you for your time.