Smooth Criminal Game
2009-07-01
Category: GeneralOut of respect for the passing of Michael Jackson, I bring back the Smooth Criminal Game. This is a game some friends and I played back when Jackson's song "Smooth Criminal" came out in 1987 on the Bad album.
The song is actually about a woman being assaulted in her apartment. That is not a fun topic. The game ignores that part of the song and just borrows a couple of lines of lyrics. The lyrics that inspired the game are:
You've been hit by
You've been hit by
A smooth criminal
The nature of the game is as follows. Say the first line as it is. Then say the second line but replace the words "been hit" with some other verb or verb phrase. Finish by saying the last line unchanged. It can be more fun that it sounds at first.
When we started, we used simple verbs. For example, "you've been spanked by" and "you've been painted by". After a while, things grew sillier. "You've been shaved by" and "You've been converted to a free market economy by". You can see where this can go.
Now that you've seen how it works, it's your turn. Try singing all three lines, but change the middle one in a silly way. Sing it to your family, friends, and coworkers. You can all have a good laugh. If you come up with a good one, leave it in the comment here for the joy of the world. Just keep it clean; this is a family-friendly site.
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Another Chicagoan Murder
2009-07-01
Category: politicsOn June 30, 2009, the Cedar Rapids Gazette1 ran a story about a murder in our quite town. The focus of the piece is that the police are having a hard time getting to the truth of the matter because witnesses are being uncooperative. Why are they being uncooperative? They have no local addresses and are from Chicago.
That's right; these people come from that terrorist state known as Chicago, Illinois. At least the victim is also a Chicagoan. Everyone generally assumes the murderer is also.
This is just another example of Chicago's waste moving to Cedar Rapids for cheap housing and bringing their filth with them. This problem started some time ago and is getting worse. This must stop.
We will start with the Chicagoan Registration Act. All persons from the Chicago metropolitan area should not be allowed to travel without proper travel visas. The visas should specify the reason for the travel. If we catch a Chicagoan without their visa or outside the activity listed on the visa, we will prosecute them immediately.
Chicago needs cleaned up. The military must move in and establish order. There must be curfews to prevent evening activity. All Chicagoans must have ID with DNA and other biometric data. All their children must attend Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps to be taught discipline and social responsibility. If the Chicagoans don't like it, maybe they should start cooperating with the cops and narking on their neighbors.
If this threat continues to spread, the surrounding states will have no choice but to act. We will be forced to set up border gates. If that doesn't do, our Guard units will be forced to raze the city to the ground and plant corn over the top of it. This Chicagoan criminal activity must come to an end.
1) Adam Belz, Jeff Raasch "Witness problems delay answers in fatal C.R. apartment shooting"
The Gazette 30 Jun. 2009 A1
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The War on Drugs
2009-06-26
Category: politicsImagine that you've turned on your television. A different program preempts your favorite show; it preempts all the shows. It is your leader, LibertyBob, addressing the nation on the war on drugs. Let's watch!
As many of you know, we define a government as a group or person who controls a territory, either real or virtual. This control is maintained through strength, either due to the sheer volume of supporters, as when you support me, or more simply through force of arms.
Gangs try to control territories of their own. They organize and bring in weapons and establish themselves in an area. The problem with this is that they are trying to do it in areas where we are already the government. When two governments collide, it is war.
For too long, the War on Drugs and other gang-related crime has not been treated as real war. We've acted as though the individuals involved are just that, individual criminals. We saw how that worked out in Mexico.
Well, all that ends tonight. We now recognize these gangs as opposing armies who are invading our country. Their members are not criminals but enemy combatants. They no longer have Miranda Rights, but must be treated under the Geneva Conventions. This is an actual war and will be treated as such.
If you identify yourself as a United States citizen and are found to be working with the gangs, you will be tried for treason. Note that this trial is not a civilian court but a military tribunal. If found guilty, you will be executed under law. Our current methods of execution for treason include lethal injection, hanging, and firing squad. You will have the opportunity to make your case that you joined the gang under duress and you may receive a lesser sentence through cooperation.
Persons who are gang members but are not citizens will be treated like any other soldiers. You will want to take note of this. If you are paid more than the local members but have the same skills, you will be classified as a mercenary. If you are out of uniform, you are a spy. Spies tend to get shot, even when in captivity.
This may all sound dire, but there is hope. I believe that we will be successful and remove this violence from our land and restore peace. The transgressors will be removed quickly. They will no longer clog our streets. They will no longer clog our judicial systems. They will no longer prey on our children.
The neighborhoods most strongly affected by war will be rebuilt. This will improve the infrastructure and provide jobs. Streets will have to be strengthened to support our tanks and this too will provide jobs.
While in conflict areas, our soldiers will show the children what it means to belong to something noble. They will no longer find glamor, strength, or power in the idea of being a gang member. Instead, they will find Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps. The JROTC will provide nutritious food and exercise programs. There will be after school programs. The children will be given extra lessons in civics and how they belong to the community and have a duty to righteousness. They will never feel that they are not part of the American dream. Many will then grow up to be officers in our Armed Services where they will earn more than most college professors and have health care for life.
This war will end soon. We will be victorious. We will have peace and prosperity on our streets, but first, we have a little cleaning up to do. Citizens, grab your brooms.
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