Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

If Albert Einstein Walked Right Up


Category: philosophies

If Albert Einstein walked up to me right now, he would probably say to me, "Brains." That may seem like a strange thing to for him to say, but you have to remember that he's a bit dead and has been for some time. About the only way he would be sauntering anywhere was if he was a zombie.

It's not just Albert, of course. Most of history's notable personages have died at some point in their lives. It just seems to be the way we all choose to stop doing what we do. Even though many of these notable people did great and wonderful things while alive, I'm glad they aren't doing things now that they've snuffed it. That would just make me uncomfortable.

You could probably accuse me of being a bigot against the breathing-impaired. Quite honestly, I have never known any undead people personally. All the information I have is based on second and third-hand knowledge and how the undead are portrayed in the media. The advocates have yet come out in their defense. That leaves only the negative stereotype for those poor, recycled bodies.

It leads me to wonder how this affects Personal Revival Trusts. These trusts are usually created by people who are having themselves cryogenically frozen. The idea is that in the future there will be cures for whatever is killing the popsicled-patient and that the newly-unfrozen and cured individual will need the cash that has been compounding interest in the intervening time.

What happens to the trust when the person is revived not by curative science but by space-radiation, black magic, mutated viruses, or other unnatural method? Should a zombie have access to his or her accounts just because they are animated, or do they have to be shown to actually be alive? Fortunately, most zombies are portrayed as being uninterested in money and would not go to their brokers without planning nosh on the broker's noggin. Vampires and mummies may be a different story.

Very intelligent undead could pose some serious legal and ethical issues. Can you imagine the late Donald Trump being reanimated by evil forces? Would he be allowed to continue business as usual? Would his lawyers have to be dead too? Could he be a real estate mogul if the dead are not allowed to own land?

Mummies are more of an international problem. According to the writings on the tombs of the pharaohs, they did not relinquish ownership of their property at time of death and fully intended to gather it at a later date. They did, in fact, set up extra security to make to maintain ownership. Since then, outsiders have broken into their tombs and stolen their worldly goods. Do these mummies have any rights when they call Interpol for help? Probably not.

Still, the important thing to take from all this is that the historical greats are dead and cannot do all the things that I do. If, however, one should show up and try to prove that they are better than me, I know to damage their heads and put them back into the ground. That's the other stereotype about the undead.

Comments (4)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
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