Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Animal Friendly


Category: philosophies

While stopped at a traffic light, I glanced around at the people and vehicles in my vicinity. There were the usual cars and trucks. The punk in the car his daddy bought him had the bass turned up way too high. The thing that caught my eye though was a truck.

It was a normal looking late-model pick up truck. The noticeable quality was the license plate. Across the top, in bold letters, the plate proclaimed the truck to be from Tennessee. There were the usual identification numbers. Then it got odd.

On the left side were a cartoon dog and cat hugging each other. That?s just unnatural. Across the bottom things got worse. Two words explained that the driver of the truck was ?Animal Friendly?.

When I hear the words ?Animal Friendly? in reference to a southerner, my first thoughts are, ?There should be a law!? As though the practice isn?t disgusting enough, now they can get tags proclaiming their perversion. Do we really need to know what transpires between Jimmy Joe and his favorite pig? Is there any need to wonder why he refers to his blood hound as a ?lap dog?? Does any body need to explain how he contracted Bovine Syphilis?

Normally, I don?t care about a person?s lifestyle. I don?t know what people are really going through so I can?t make any judgments. However, I can still feel nauseated by people who molest the livestock. Those poor cows have it bad enough without some hick backing the beast to a fence. (They use fences so they can stand on the appropriate cross-member to get the best elevation relative to the animal?s naughty bits.)

It may be true that this behavior discourages inbreeding. That doesn?t excuse it. It?s disgusting. I don?t want to have a nice steak and have to wonder what good old boy raped my dinner. What?s worse, often these hicks then go out and find women with whom to have intercourse. You remember the line that when you have sex with some one you have sex with everyone they?ve been with? Now add the words ?and everything.? That should send a shutter up your spine.

In all fairness, this behavior isn?t limited to the American south. How many times have you heard the Irish, Scots, Brits, Australians, or New Zealanders called ?sheep shaggers?? How many times have you smelled the French? This problem is wide spread.

Let?s all pull together and put an end to this atrocity. Make a point of pointing out when someone has been buggering their badgers. Alert law enforcement personnel when the neighbor is porking the pig, climbing their cow, doing their dog, or spanking their monkey. Through diligent effort, we can someday get people back to having sex with inanimate objects.

Comments (8)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
lonely child seeks imaginary friend. inquire within.