Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Sock Puppet


Category: philosophies

I've been under stress lately, so I think I need a new hobby. Looking at the possible hobbies tells me a couple of things. First of all, hobbies cost money. I don't mean just the extra change after you've blown your potato chip budget, either. The really cool hobbies require tons of cash and free time. I'm not really inclined to hobbies like bullfighting or mountain climbing. There are other cool hobbies that might interest me (auto-cross racing or helicopter flying for example) but the cost is prohibited.

The second thing is a consequence of the first. Any hobby I can afford will make me look like a loser. (Apologies to those who have loser hobbies.) I could collect stamps or build ships in bottles, but I would rather do stuff. I have to be active. That's why I don't watch sporting events; if I'm not playing, I'm not really interested.

I do have some hobbies. Making kaleidoscopes is fun, but it takes time and materials. The same applies to oil painting. I love to hike in the woods, but that takes hours that I don't have. I need a hobby with a small (preferably one-time) expense that can be done at a moment's notice. That's why I'm considering getting a sock puppet.

Yea, you read right. I said sock puppet. It's cheap. You can put the puppet on your hand in short amounts of time. The puppet fits easily in my backpack. The question is, what sort of personality should a puppet have? I have the following ideas:

  1. Puppets can be silly and child-friendly. Unfortunately, I can't help but tell kids to do things that may not be good for them. I think it's funny when a three year old learns to approach strangers and declare, "Today I'm out of my box!"
  2. The puppet can be used as an evil alter ego. That means that when I'm forced by circumstance to say something in a polite-ish way the puppet can say what I really want to say. When I say, "Don't worry, everybody makes mistakes," the puppet can say, "Yea, everybody who ate lead based paint."
  3. I could name the puppet Mr. Tourettes. He would amuse everybody with random expressions of his thoughts. I'm sure he would be very popular.
  4. I could always have the sage, old puppet that dispenses advice in a slow, deep voice. The advice would always good and helpful, except for maybe one or two little details he gets wrong. It's important that the wrong details aren't really noticeable without detailed inspection.

Well, those are my thoughts on the sock puppet thing. Now I just have to figure out what kind of sock I want to use. Given that I'm a cheap bastard, I'll probably use a worn out sock that had lost its mate. Anything else would cost money.

Comments (5)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Somebody loves me... when I'm unconscious.