Telephone Surveys Reprised

2004-10-14

One of the purposes for my presence on this planet is the torment of telephone solicitors. I really think of them as evil (you can say misguided if you like). I had a post recently where I suggested government intervention that even the Libertarians would support. Well, another phone survey fellow called recently and I could not help but torture the unfortunate soul. Here's the transcript. (I'll use the initials AH for the name I gave the caller.)

LB: Hello, this is Bob.

AH: Hello, I'm AH from Some Dumb Marketing and I'm calling as part of a telephone survey. Can I ask you a few questions? It'll only take a couple of minutes.

LB: Sure, that'll be fine. Can you give me your customer number?

AH: What?

LB: I'll need your customer number, please.

AH: I'm not a customer. I'm calling as part of a phone survey. I just want to ask you a few questions.

LB: That's fine, but I'll need your customer number before I can help you.

AH: I'm not a customer…

LB: If you would like to give me your contact information I can have a customer service representative contact you to set up a contract.

AH: That's not really necessary. I just want to ask you a couple of questions. It's a phone survey.

LB: I'm sorry, but I can't help you unless you have a customer number. I can have a customer service representative contact within the next couple of days. Once you're set up I'll be able to answer your questions. Would that be all right?

AH: No, I don't want to be a customer. I just want to ask some questions.

LB: In order for me to answer your questions, you'll have to give me a valid customer number. Are you sure you don't want a visit from a customer service representative?

AH: No. Good-bye.

LB: Good-bye.

I know I'm cruel. I know I enjoy it. I also know that you, the reader, enjoys it when I write about being cruel. (This is based on the type of writings that get the most positive comments.) If you're lucky, maybe a telephone survey person will call you in the next day or two so that you can ask them for their customer number.