Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Mindiac Answers


Category: philosophies

I've asked people to submit questions that I could present to the LibertyBob Psychic Department™ (or Mindiacs, as they like to be called). I've collected the questions from the comments, and from e-mails (and one carrier pigeon) and have made up the list. Here are the questions, along with the respective answers, as returned from the Mindiacs.

(Please Note: The attitudes and views expressed by the Mindiacs are theirs and do not necessarily represent the views of LibertyBob or

Q: We do really need to know about the chicken! Not the one that crossed the road... the one that gets shot on the White House lawn next Thursday. What the H3!! is it doing there?

A: That would be a turkey, not a chicken. It's there because presidents have the authority to grant pardons to prisoners facing execution. Some jerk thought it would be funny to show that turkeys have more value than death-row inmates. Since others got the joke too, it's been a tradition every year since. (This pardoning ceremony already happened.)

Q: ? what colour dress I'll wear to the event?

A: The same color as the president's suit. Interesting enough, you'll both be wearing the same color bra that day.

Q: ? who will win the Presidential 2004 election?

A: I did. I had ten large on Bush, three to one in the general election. I also had another nickel on Bush to take Ohio. In a side bet with my neighbor, well, I won't go there.

Q: I want to know what I will ask the Psychics.

A: There is one question you're too embarrassed to ask. I'll just give you the answer. It's because you enjoy the fact that you could thoroughly dominate a squirrel and completely make it your bitch. Just keep you legs crossed with your hands folded in your lap and no one will notice. Also, try not to cry out Nutkin when going at it with the wife.

Q: Are Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey going to break up?

A: Possibly. It's too hard to tell what stupid people will do. We've discussed it and decided that they aren't bright enough to break up over legitimate problems. If the separate, it's more likely that they will do so because they forgot to be a couple and one or both of them wandered off unsupervised.

Q: What is the square root of dumb?

A: The square root of dumb in an imaginary number just like the square root of negative one. Like the square root of negative one is represented as i, the square root of dumb is represented as duh. The square root of dumb isn't usually used in calculations until you look at hypercubes where the strange attractors involve fire, alcohol, and monster trucks.

Q: Advertising is a competitive field. Why don't advertising execs eat each other?

A: They don't like the taste.

Q: If Bush only barely won, percentage-wise, how come he says it gives him political capital and vindication?

A: The victor gets to write the history. He could have won by shoving Kerry into an oil drum and floating him out to sea and still talked about how the election validated him. Clinton didn't anywhere near fifty percent in one of his victories and still called it a mandate from the people.

Q: Do you think it's fair for so-called psychics to take a contract to find Osama bin Laden but only spend the months eating pizza and drinking beer while playing video games?

A: That's a moral question. Morals change with time. People who constantly look into the future and past have trouble distinguishing the morals of the day. Your best bet is to let it go and get on with your life without litigating.

I think that's enough for this round of Mindiac interaction. If you think of a question you would like to ask the Mindiacs, leave it in the Comments section or send me an e-mail.

Comments (4)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Somebody loves me... when I'm unconscious.