Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Reptile Dysfunction


Category: philosophies

There is a trend on television and in print advertising that has been bugged me lately. The concern on my part comes from my general care for animals and nature. The thing I'm most worried about is the prevalence of cures for Reptile Dysfunction.

From what I hear, these cures are designed to make reptiles stiff for extended periods of time. That doesn't seem right. I've seen reptiles on nature programs and stiff doesn't look like part of their nature.

Look at snakes. Their mode of locomotion is entirely dependent upon the ability to slither. That means flexibility is a survival need for snakes. When we look at other retiles like iguanas and komodo dragons we see the same type of flexibility. If you've ever watched video of alligators or crocodiles swim, that undulating is there again.

Reptiles are one of the oldest types of critters still around. You would think that if all that looseness were a dysfunction, the reptiles would all be gone. Is that what happened to the dinosaurs? Did reptile dysfunction do them in? I find that hard to believe.

I once had a teacher who believed that a change in social ideas would be preceded by a change in vocabulary or ideas. I can see the possibility of people changing normal reptile activity into a "dysfunction" in an attempt to make people work against reptiles without thinking about the harm. This is the same type of thing used by cultists and communists who label behavior they don't like as bad for everybody. "You want to do what you're told don't you? I know you aren't a traitor…" But what do they have against lizards?

There are plenty of times when this process is a good thing. We can easily say that Osama bin Laden has a breathing dysfunction because he keeps putting air in his lungs. We could say that Kim Jong Il has a hair dysfunction. When we try to get kids to stop smoking, we label tobacco use as a mental dysfunction. We show drug users as sick because they have something wrong with them. When I ran for the Iowa State House a couple of years ago, I regularly suggested that my opponents were the Bitch-Monkeys of their respective parties. Though there are these good uses for the procedure, improper use leads to trouble.

That's why I worry about the effects on the reptile population of this world. Who is it that wants to limit the mobility of the lizards? Who is trying so hard to keep snakes from slithering across the desert to find food? Given the cost of the advertisements, who is funding this fight? When it comes down to it, why would anyone buy a drug for reptile dysfunction?

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