Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Fat Kids and Frogs


Category: philosophies

I came back from my walk on a warm spring day. Two children and, what seemed to be, a male parent meandered in front of my building. The children were sucking down sugary, carbonated beverages. All three were obese. The youngest child, a girl of about four or five years had a belly sticking out so far one would think she was pregnant. This really got on my nerves.

People who have medical conditions where they just retain wait have my sympathy; they cannot help it. I really doubt that this family fell into that category, mostly because the medical conditions usually require the abandonment of the sugary, carbonated beverages. No, I?m assuming that these people were over weight because the parents were irresponsible.

Normally I?m in favor of the Darwinist solution. If the parents are bad then the kids die off quick. I?ve been told that this is inconsiderate to the children since they have no choice in parents. Well, tough. It doesn?t matter anyway, because we have removed all semblance of ?survival of the fittest? from our society. Please keep in mind that I say this as a gimp myself.

What will happen is that the parents will end up hospitalized and unable to care for themselves or their fat kids. The maintenance of these people will fall to society with no hope of these people working to get themselves back in shape to take care of themselves. I will pay taxes to care for them. (Yes, tax money did go to help my recovery, but I worked my butt off to get to where I paid my own way as well as paying my fair share.) When my kids are old enough, they will pay for the upkeep of the fat kids.

I propose a simple solution; we need more large predators. I recommend giant, mutant frogs. These frogs can hibernate during cold winters. They can live in sewers, swimming pools, and other cool, dark places. Just as important, they can snatch a small person from some distance using the retractable tongue.

Picture this, some irresponsible parent leaves a ten year old unattended to go get some smokes. A flash of pink stretches across the parking lot, attaches to the child, and zips back into the alley to be followed by some muffled crunching noises. Other people in the area huddle together while staring at the darkness of the alley. The cigarette vendor says to the parent, ?I think a frog just got somebody?s kid.? The parent responds, ?Yea, some parents are so unresponsible. I wonder whose it was.?

Now picture a couple herding their children to the school bus. The father looks out to see if there are any obvious frogs. He throws out the child-sized manikin and waits a moment. The little light flashes to tell him the bus is approaching the stop.

He rushes the kids out in a little group. The three children are tied together at the waist. They wear cloaks with a tear-away layer in case they get hit by the sticky tongue. The mother comes out behind them holding a machete.

All five run as a group to the alcove by the street. The bus pulls up and, after a quick check for frogs, opens the door. The children enter and sit down. The door closes and accelerates away. The parents sigh and their shoulders slump a little. As the bus passes, they see the light glisten off a large, lumpy something in the neighbor?s garage.

Let?s face it; no one wants to be the fat, slow kid when it means being eaten by predators, even if it takes a larger predator to do it. Parents would have to put forth a much greater effort to protect their children and themselves. Alcoholics and junkies would be so much frog food. Other than frog-related traffic accidents, healthiness in general would be on the upswing.

Sure, some people might say there are better, more practical things we could do that don?t involve genetically engineering super amphibians. There are education programs. There are meal and exercise programs for kids. Schools could require more physical training (PT) all army-like.

There are even some people that think that there should be a mandatory two-year civic service program where all proto-citizens would live in a military like environment where they would not only be given proper diet, exercise, and heath care, but would also be given an equal opportunity at education. Uniforms mean that clothing no longer determines social rank, but only personality and talent. Sure, some rich people might be able to buy their kid a chance to forgo such activities, but since the service would be the only way to gain full rights as a citizen, those people?s kids would never get to vote or run for public office. (Trying to buy citizenship would be treason and result in the execution of persons involved.)

Regardless of the path we take, I still see that people will complain about it and say it?s unfair, you know, the way it?s unfair that some fat five year old has no clue that the beverage she is enjoying will result in her having to puncture herself three times a day for the rest of her life to check her blood sugar. I can?t help but wonder if anyone would complain if I blame the parents?

Comments (6)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Mime is an unspeakable act.