Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

People Search for the Strangest Things


Category: philosophies

People look for the strangest things. Though January was one of my lowest traffic months of the past year, it had the highest number of search strings in Webalizer. Some of the search strings I can understand. Others I have no clue about (you don?t need to comment on that !)

Anyway, here?s the list of search strings for January:

I make one simple joke about ?Eggnoguration? and suddenly someone has to search for it. I can also understand the ?I hate kids? and ?Amish Violence?. Of course ?Sevdahlinke? is a form of music among Muslims in the Serbia area.

Actually, now that I think about it, most of those things do make sense.

Also odd is the origin of the assorted visitors. Though most show up as ?Unresolved/Unknown?, the rest have quite a range. Here?s that list:

I guess it?s odd that the number-two position is Saudi Arabia. At first I figured it might be U.S. military folks stationed over there, but it looks like military IP addresses show up as military. It?s probably people just looking for my next interview with Osama bin Laden.

As much as January was a big month for searches, it looks like February will be just as heavy. At the end of the day on February first there were already eleven search strings listed. This list is even stranger:

The stuff about the terrorist video and the Osama doll make perfect sense, but what the hell was someone thinking when they searched for ?pat Buchanan gelatin?? I gotta tell you, that?s one Vegas show I do not want to see! It?s just wrong to put that man in a kiddy swimming pool filled with gelatin and let him wrestle himself. (I hope you enjoyed that mental image and continue to enjoy to for the remainder of the week.)

For those who really like mental images, the guys in particular, remember that ?subincision? is a ritualistic practice where the penis is sliced length-wise along the bottom. I don?t know why people would search for such a thing. Quite honestly, I don?t recall where I wrote about it, though I probably was denouncing circumcision or body piercing or some such. (Please note, I only oppose piercings on women. I fear it will chip my teeth.)

I?m curious, for those of you who have similar capabilities on your websites, what was the strangest search string you ever found? Did you remember ever mentioning the words? Did the phrase consist of several words from different, unrelated posts? Let me know in the comments.

Those of you who visit regularly know that I?m a bit of a smart-alec. I?m trying to figure out how to get strange things in my writing and content meta-tags so I my page can be selected more often for stranger things. So far I can only think that I should use odd phrases in a poetic fashion: ??the bondage stylings of Mistress Gravity threw me to the ground and savaged me.? Other than that, I?m not sure how to make things more odd. That worries me. If you have any ideas, let me know.

Comments (13)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Somebody loves me... when I'm unconscious.