Winning Lottery Numbers

2004-05-22

I finally decided to talk to the LibertyBob Psychic Department about lottery numbers. I wrote by formal request and headed for the slot in the door to their work area. As I approached, the door opened and one of them, I think it was one of the guys but it's hard to tell with those silver robes, stepped out. He took my request, handed me an envelope and ducked back into the room. The door closed and I think I heard the sound of locks being fastened, a lot of locks.

Anyway, I opened the envelope and read the document inside. Since it was the response to my query I'll just reproduce it here.

To: The Boss
From: The Mind-iacs
RE: Winning Lottery Numbers

Boss, we knew you were going to ask us, "What are the winning lottery numbers?" Since we knew ahead of time and needed our current time to do psychic stuff, we prepared this response ahead of time.

The winning lottery numbers are the numbers that are drawn from a collection of possible lottery numbers by an official for that purpose. Actually, they typically use a machine for the actual selection. When these numbers match the numbers on someone's lottery ticket, that person wins the lottery. That makes that combination of numbers "winning lottery numbers". We know you think we're jerks for explaining it that way. We also really know what you mean. However, things are rarely that simple.

The universe is in a constant state of flux. That means we psychics can only make predictions about the general trend of things. The factors that come together to create any instant of reality are so complex that we rarely see really specific details. The specific numbers drawn at the appropriate time can be thrown off by the number of people in the room or by radiation from some distant star that exploded millions of years ago.

That's why we can't give you the answer you desire.

Please don't disturb our current activities. Some of us need to center ourselves and become one with some supermodels before heading down to the yacht club for a Champaign Dinner and celebrity auction.

Those guys really get on my nerves sometimes. They claim they can't predict anything with high precision but they all want the same place and time on "Where will bin Laden be Found" pool. Those bastards.