LibertyBob.com
Long distance relationships don't work well because the attraction between the couple is inversely proportional to the distance between them. It will be noted that fat people are less affected by this distance because the attraction is also proportional to the product of their masses and fat people are more massive.
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job....and in domestic news, research has shown that your father left because you were such a disappointment.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Liberty
Bobbity
Boo