Red Winged Black Bird on a fence post in a field.

Chinese Illness


Category: prose

Many people in this area have been hit with flu like symptoms. My friends in other parts of the country tell me that it exists out there too. Any time there is an unpleasant experience shared by the masses, it's time for a new conspiracy. This time, I'm going to help.

Here's what I'm thinking. This illness seems to last much longer than normal versions of the flu. The people who have it complain about the stuffed up head and aching muscles for weeks. I've heard some people gripe about these symptoms for more than a month now. Obviously this is no ordinary virus.

Where would we get such a strange illness? Hmm, it seems to have all started shortly after the end of the summer Olympics. You don't think the summer Olympics could have had anything to do with the spread of a new, lingering sort of viral illness, do you?

If this was still the era of the Cold War we would simply blame the Soviets. Those commies were always up to no good. It's lucky that there aren't any commies around any more. Hey, wait, aren't the Chinese communists?

That sounds like a good conspiracy theory right there. All those Americans visiting communist China for the Olympics only to return with an engineered virus that spreads throughout the states to make the population miserable and weak. Yep, that sounds just like most good conspiracies.

Of course, our government won't come out to tell us about any such viral attack. They probably wouldn't talk about anything like this if they were a part of it. Go ahead and ask your elected officials; they'll tell you you're crazy. If this illness gets much worse, people will start dying and then who will make up the ranks of the unemployed or will ask for retirement funds?

So, before you go off and vote in November, ask your candidates where they stand on the virus conspiracy. Demand to know if they are part of the plot to wipe out America's weak, elderly, and children. If they answer, they may be lying.

Comments (5)
You gotta pick the right guy to do the job.
Go out now and vote for LibertyBob.
Urethron release!
Bladdertron is Go!