This is a test
This is only a test
If this had been a real emergency you would have
been instructed on where to run screaming
and what to expect by way of horrible death.
Furthermore, you would have been pointed
and laughed at.
Your situation would have been recorded for my amusment
not only for now but for years to come as I recount the
tale to coworkers and family until it is our tradition
to laugh at you at all of our holiday celebrations.
But, unfortunately, this is only a test and there is
no real emergency over which to chuckle.
Better luck next time